The Chronicles of Crosarth – A Steampunk Adventure

So anyone who follows me on social media already knows I’ve been having some issues with the Apple Podcasts entry for BS-Free Witchcraft. For some reason, the main Apple Podcasts page for the show is missing about a full quarter of the episodes. Like there are some random ones missing (like episode twenty-nine), but also like the entirety of July 2022 through February 2024 are just… gone. Even though they’re still in the feed, Apple just doesn’t have them listed anywhere.

And, like, these episodes appear fine on Spotify and Amazon and any platform where you just plop in the RSS feed. It’s only Apple Podcasts where this is happening.

And I’ve gone through everything I can think of to try and fix this. There is nothing within my power to correct this.

Of course I’ve since reached out to Apple’s support (and they assure me they’re looking into it — though who knows how automated that email was), and I’ve created a work around. Using the Nerd & Tie Network backend, I’ve made an alternate Apple Podcasts feed for the show I’m calling the “White Logo” feed (as I’m having it display the old white version of the show’s logo instead of the current green one). Both the White Logo and the classic “Green Logo” pages will get the new episodes, but the White Logo version has the full archives for anyone who wants to use Apple Podcasts to listen to the show.

For some folks this would be satisfactory. Like there’s an alternative route for listeners to get the show, and Apple is working on it. But my brain… it just won’t stop thinking about it.

And this is not helpful. I literally can’t do anything I haven’t already done. Literally everything within my control has been tried. I’ve made sure there aren’t any weird settings in the feed, and that there aren’t any major errors. I’ve tested the feed in multiple podcatchers, and even looked at weird ones online that no one uses and found that they’re working fine. There is literally nothing I can do but wait for Apple Support to fix it, and hope that it gets resolved.

My stupid, obsessive brain just won’t shut up about it though.

It’s so frustrating. Why am I wired like this, where it’s so hard for me to let go of an unsolved problem. I fixate until I find a solution, and when there is no available solution it just stews in there, rattling around.

Ugh.

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So I talked about it briefly in my entry earlier this week, but when I was in Wauwatosa last weekend to see family, we went out to dinner on Sunday night. Because it was Sunday, options were a bit more limited, so we ended up somewhere none of us had ever eaten at before: Buckatabon Tavern & Supper Club.

Now, if you know me, I’m a sucker for a supper club. I’ve spent my whole life going to various supper clubs across Northern Wisconsin, and the idea of a new place recreating that vibe in the Milwaukee suburbs sounded appealing. But here’s the thing… this place is not a supper club.

Sure they have a relish tray on the menu (which has disappeared from most current operating supper clubs, but what the heck), but you’re going to pay $15 for it. Most real supper clubs will provide at least a soup or salad with an entree (and in some cases, like the Fireside in Rhinelander, both), but you’ll be paying extra for that experience.

There isn’t even a French Onion Soup on the menu.

And look, the place is decorated in a kitschy way that somehow sits between the now-shuttered Al Gen in Rhinelander and maybe the Clearview Supper Club in St Germain, and the staff was friendly… it’s just not a supper club.

And the thing is, if it hadn’t advertised itself as a supper club, I might have liked it. The food was mostly good, but it wasn’t perfect — my burger was excellent, but several of my family members ordered their steaks medium rare and had them show up almost well. The broccolini that came with the pecan crusted trout was just… not good. All of it could be forgiven for just being a busy night, since it was Father’s Day.

But they promised a supper club.

And it wasn’t.

Like this is the Epcot version of a supper club — it looks a lot like the thing, but it’s all surface and in the end you’re spending way more money than if you had just traveled to the real deal. I wanted to like this place, I really did. But it just misses the whole point of the thing it’s trying to be.

I liked the pride stuff at the bar though. As a queer person it did make me feel relatively safe there.

I just wish it had been a supper club.

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So it was literally more than twenty years ago that I first put one of my dumbest creations on the internet: The Steven Seagal Movie Generator.

Like I seriously publicly launched that dumb thing back in 2004, and for those of you who were unaware, it assembles a title, cast and plot of a fake Steven Seagal movie from elements of his (real) bad films.

I honestly got the idea from a former-friend, who in high school wrote a comedic piece about how you could mash up the titles of Seagal films in the weird underground “newspaper” that got handed out for a few years. But I took it a few steps further, and made a whole thing.

Mostly it just sat there though, a thing I made once and never went back to. I followed it up with the Sci-Fi Channel Movie Generator (later retitled the Syfy Movie Generator) in 2008. I spent more time on that one, doing a later design update that made the “Syfy” movies show up on a fake DVD back cover.

But the Steven Seagal generator just sort of sat there, untouched.

And Steven Seagal kept making (terrible) movies with (predictable) titles. Like a lot. But the generator still only spat out movies culled from the nineties and early 2000s, ignoring all of his new stuff. There was a whole library of awful movies that just weren’t in there, and it made the generator feel less relevant.

So, uh, I went and did something about that today.

First off, I redesigned the page. Now it looks like the back of a VHS tape box. Then I loaded the elements of about twenty-five additional films into the generator. And that was harder than I thought it would be, since some of the films are so obscure that they’re not well documented. I literally had to do some deep research to figure out a lot of the basic plot details that are now in the generator.

But I did it.

And it’s done.

And the generator is now fully loaded.

It’s still useless and dumb, though.

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